Losing control, losing your soul

I made this blog weeks ago. I keep forgetting to write in it. Not forgetting, not having time. I blame the educational system. Endless nights, hefty workloads, midterms. I love my school. But I hate that my life revolves solely around school and the work associated with it. I chose to be here. So I have to deal with it. I often think to myself, how different would my life be if my parents prevented me from moving 3000 miles to attend school? How different would it have been if I had chosen to stay at home? If I had chosen to work instead of attending school? Yesterday, Meredith, Heather, and Gabriella were overheard speaking about being at the right place and at the right time. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, that Mark Zuckerberg. How it doesn't just come down to luck but to the opportunities that you had and how those opportunities created that luck. Fortunately, my parents trusted me to make my own decisions, trusted me to decide what I thought was for my own good. But I dislike the fact that they believe school was my only option to get up, get out, move out, grow up, get going. School isn't the best and definitely not the only option for success. I hate that when I go home, I am praised for going to school by community members. I had luck I had opportunities. Attending school doesn't mean I am intelligent, that I will make money, or that I am even seeking a successful career. So many of my peers back home were not presented with the same luck and opportunities as I was. Their choices, their achievements, should not be invalidated because they are not going to school. Who said school was the only way to get out? Who said? What did they have in mind? And what does "get out" mean? So many institutions of higher education are heavily impacted by federal budget constraints. Many students are suffering from the educational gap. And decisions and choices are influenced and criticized by sexism, classism, and racism.

Am I better than any of them? No. Am I smarter than any of them? No. Do I feel uncomfortable using the term "them"? Yes. Because I am referring to people that I know. People that I grew up with. That I saw fall in and out of school, love, money. My success is not their success. Their success is not mine. We need to stop comparing our lives, to see who got the better grades, the better car, because it comes down to opportunities.
And I think I should stop ranting now. Because I have made no sense. This was supposed to merely be an introduction. I have been meaning to write, to write on this blog. I used to write so much. But along the way I lost interest. I wanted to be a writer. I read so much. I want to be that way again. Partly because I feel so inadequate when I speak about literature.